Back from Costa Rica — what an amazing and life-changing experience!
I went to the Iboga Wellness Center skeptical about the existence of spirits, but curious and willing to explore. With my western science background, I thought the spirit world was a comforting myth, but about as real as Santa Claus. I don’t feel that way anymore. I met my own soul face-to-face, and I saw and communicated with Sioux’s spirit.
There were four iboga guests, two iboga providers, Gary Cook and Levi Parker, two assistants Kali and Sandy, plus a handful of warm and friendly cooking and cleaning staff. The food was great throughout the eight-day stay.
The first two days were spent settling in. Swimming, relaxing, watching birds and monkeys, going for walks, preparing myself mentally, editing my list of questions for iboga. I re-read parts of Elizabeth Bast’s book “Heart Medicine, A True Love Story”. I read and re-read the beautiful prayer my friend Michael wrote for me. Kali and I laughed about the difference in attitude between “Worrier” and “Warrior”. I met with the staff medical doctor for a physical and EKG, and was relieved when he gave me the go-ahead.
The evening of the second day was the first of two iboga fire ceremonies. We sat in a circle around the fire and listened to Gary and Levi talk about life and the Bwiti tradition. They gave each of us a scoop of powdered iboga root bark which we swallowed with water. To me it tasted like sandalwood sawdust and I chewed it before swallowing. To others the taste was disagreeable. After about an hour the visual effects and ataxia were obvious, and Levi assisted me to a nearby mattress and gave me a blindfold. He finger-painted a spot of red pigment on my forehead and tapped to help wake up my third eye.
That night I could not connect with the spirit world. At first the visions were dim, as though mixed with 75 percent black. After a booster dose of iboga finally kicked in, the visions got brighter, with full tonal range and saturated colors. Levi sat by me and told me to go to my home, don’t ask how, just do it, then search different rooms looking for Bill. I couldn’t find him anywhere. I even tried looking in the bathroom mirror, but there was no reflection. I was worried maybe I was broken and did not have a soul. I surrendered and allowed the images to flow. During the night I kept returning to search my home, but Bill was nowhere to be found.
Wave after wave of beautiful images washed through me, cleaning and healing every cell of my body. The images were not geometrical and kaleidoscopic like I have seen with Ayahuasca, but more emotional and heartfelt. One image showed a postage stamp with a family holding hands, and the text “family” under the stamp. I understood this to be one of my core values. Other images showed hearts and hands interlocked in mutual support and partnership. A few images were humorous, such as the faces on coins floating, distorting, becoming hyper 3D, then their noses flattening. The images were always in motion, calmly gliding and morphing one into another like a Ken Burns screensaver.
The beautiful images were healing. I received a deep beauty treatment, not like going to a beauty salon and getting nail polish on the surface, but instead being treated through and through by beauty itself as the healer. Beauty creates healing. When I feel lonely or depressed, I should witness something beautiful. I should take time to share beauty with someone else.
Most of the night I felt a knot in my belly, no real nausea, but quite dizzy and unstable if I tried to get up. Each time I needed to use the toilet, Levi or Gary assisted me. I was awake all night, with images washing through me, healing me. In the morning Levi helped me upstairs to my room for a day of quiet introspection. Late that morning I was able to make it safely downstairs for some eggs and fresh fruit. Others stayed in their room till dinner.
The day after that was a day of physical activity. A van brought us all to a spa for horseback riding, zip lines, hot springs, mud bath, and a spiritual shower. The spiritual shower was a kind of rebirthing exercise where each of us was rubbed with African herbs and bathed in a river. We changed into new clothing, left our old clothing behind, and were told not to look back.
The evening of the next day was the second iboga fire ceremony. It was more profound for me. Healed and purified, this time I was able to meet face-to-face with my soul and with Sioux’s spirit. Again, we sat around the fire while Gary and Levi talked about life and the Bwiti philosophy of life. I started with two-plus scoops of the iboga root bark and was helped to my mattress when it came on after an hour.
With Levi’s guidance, I was able to find Bill in my home. He was in the pottery studio, painting glaze on a pottery vase he had made. As I entered the room he turned and looked at me. He looked younger, around 35. He wore the white Levi 501 jeans I used to wear, a blue Hawaiian shirt, and the straw Panama hat I used to wear. He seemed relaxed and pleased to see me. It had been a long while, about time.
Levi read a few of my written questions as I in turn asked them aloud and repeated the answers aloud. Without Levi’s assistance I could not have remembered that I even had a list of questions, let alone the individual questions. When I asked what is love, my soul replied “Empathy and Action”. What is my true purpose in life, “To Love and to Teach”. What to do with my nature photos: “Give them away”. My soul asked me to return to visit more often, and I believe I will.
Levi asked me to go to the moon. Don’t ask how, just go there. No problem. The ground was dusty and spongy underfoot. Levi asked me to call for Sioux by her full name, and Sioux’s spirit appeared before me. She looked younger, about 45. She was smiling, healthy and happy. I was worried she might be mad at me for letting her die, but no, she is grateful for the life we shared. She wants me to enjoy the rest of my life, but not to forget her. I asked her to tell me something she had told Amanda but never told me. Her lips did not move but she telepathed to me in her own voice, “You are the bestest daughter ever!” I asked her if she had a message for Amanda and she telepathed “I will always love you and I will always be with you.”
I visited my mother’s spirit and my father’s spirit. They each looked younger, at peace, and in the prime of their life. They are both proud of me and are still with me. I visited several living friends hoping to get messages from them. I could see each, but they were either sleeping or gave me no message. Now that I know these spirits are with me, I hope to connect with them more often without iboga.
Iboga is a powerful visionary plant medicine, not for the faint of heart or for those with fragile minds or hearts. I feel my brain was disassembled, cleaned, healed, and reassembled. I now feel relaxed, centered, grounded, even serene. I was pretty nervous going in, but I am glad I embraced this psycho-spiritual healing journey. At this time I don’t imagine I will ever need to do it again.
Bill Atkinson is an American computer engineer and photographer. Atkinson worked at Apple Computer from 1978 to 1990.
Bill also took some great photos of his stay while in Costa Rica we will be placing on the website in the near future.
